why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
