By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
