yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
there is another microwave in the elevator.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
