Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
