hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
