How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
