you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
