I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
