can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
