wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
