After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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