It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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