dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
