I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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