im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
