and i looked up. we had an audience...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
