i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
