I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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