Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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