ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize