why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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