If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize