Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
