it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
