Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
