It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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