Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I party with great urgency now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
