I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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