I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize