"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
