it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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