well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
