I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
