i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
