the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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