so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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