i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
okay pat passed out under dana's car
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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