life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
