How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize