shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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