brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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