It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
