I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Rumble strips road head = magical
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
