Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize