I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
