My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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