He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
