yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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