y did u give ur computer a hand job?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like eating out sand paper
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
