there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
