Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
