You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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