people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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