that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize