just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
