Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
