i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize