what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
