I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
