Nicole vs. Life
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
