love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
