Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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