I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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