get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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