I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Life is so much better after having sex.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
