What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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