He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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