just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
