It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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