I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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