ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
