my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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