i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
