My balls are so social today.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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