i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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