you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
