i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
