I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
