We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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