we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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