Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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