Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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