There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
