The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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