Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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