Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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