The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
