u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
