Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
