yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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