Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
