ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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