In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
