Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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