the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my poor anus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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