who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
