Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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