Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
