dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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