i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize