she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize