can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
