I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
