thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
